The Show: Whole Darn Decade

My Fellow Whad'Ya Know-it-Alls:

Well, it was a heckuva decade, but we got it done. Recorded for posterity in the All the News That Wasn't 2000-2010, aka The Decalogue, are scores of monologues spanning Osama to the Undies Bomber, from W2K'ya Know to Tiger, Tiger/ Burning Bright/Watch the hydrant/On the right/, and from the bridge to the 21st century to the bridge to nowhere. I just kept the jokes that people laughed at, however feebly. Seeing them in print should go a long way towards appreciating how bon or not these mots be. I've tried to eliminate the same jokes I kept making, about the Chinese doing something again in a half hour, something or other opening the seventh seal of the apocalypse, W's military and Hilary's billing records, and the Clinton "what is, is" since we do catch just the tail end of Bill Clinton, like that hasn't been done before. At this point in the early Obama administration, one begins to wax nostalgic about the much misunderestimated George W, and the feeling that if he just hadn't been President, we could have been friends. A heckuva guy. On the other hand, laying Don Rumsfeld and Dick Cheney to rest is a good feeling long awaited.

Only missing now is a name for the decade; the one I'm leaning toward is the listener suggested "The Uh-Oh's." Nobody seemed to like the Feldman Decade. And what a decade: neatly bookended by Bush family economic busts, and characterized by mankind's first war on a psychological state, terror. During these ten years our government advised us to seal our windows and doors with plastic and duct tape, and hope for the best. Flying has reached the point where the bag should go on board and we should check ourselves. For me, any flight over an hour where you can't go to the bathroom means the terrorists have won. This is the decade our children grew up with cell phone appendages, and it's very much like the science fiction movies where the aliens take over by implanting devices in people's skulls. In fact, it's exactly like that. Body snatched, but instead of pods, iPods! Mind control-there's an app for that! Email was already a ridiculous way to make a phone call, but during these years the tweet became the most ridiculous way of communicating between individuals since the note tied to a rock. Well, if you can't say it 140 characters, you probably shouldn't say it at all. The average guy could probably live with 20 characters. And don't get me started on facebook.

At any rate, here's the jokes, folks, clinkers included-enjoy!

Thanks for listening,

Michael Feldman

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