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Whad'Ya Know? For March 8, 2003

Listen in to the entire two-hour broadcast. Or review the show rundown below and select your favorite segment of the show. Note that Parts A & B refer to the first hour and Parts C & D refer to the second hour. Part A Part B Part C Part D Problem listening to Real Audio? Get Help!

Hour 1

:00 - A live broadcast from Monona Terrace in Madison. It’s a bad joke, program opening, sponsor, and the man waiting for the call to spring training……

:02 - All The News That Isn't

-Adding new allies to its war plan every day, the administration announces the Grand Duchy of New Fenwick has signed on. Offers the "Q" bomb.
-Mr. Bush held a press conference the other day that was best characterized by the New York Times headline: President Seems to Prepare Nation for War.
-Looking a lot like John F. Bush.
-The President sounded very much like Patton. Dick Patten. Eisenhower. Julie. Bismarck– the Danish. Winston the Pooh.
-I'm not saying he was over prepared, but Mr. Bush did not begin speaking until shown a Queen of Hearts by Karl Rove. Then he made the same exact statement several times in a monotone.
-The administration is getting pretty anxious to get this war going – Colin is suffering from Irritable Powell Syndrome. Condoleeza's having a hissy fit. The Wolfowitz is at the doorowitz.
-President Bush made a strong argument that democracy begins with 3,000 missiles in 48 hours.
-The President said he didn't think Saddam could ever be a "gentle soul" although he might have said "gentile."
-For his part, Saddam called for a debate with Bush. Fine, just don't walk over to him and try and look taller like Gore did. That gets him really mad.
-Hussein made his remarks during that interview where Dan Rather showed up in a walrus moustache. He must be hanging out with Barbara Walters too much-asked Saddam if he were a tree, what kind of tree would he be?
-The anti-war movement grows, including a group of women advocating withholding sex for peace. All this time my wife was a peacenik! As we know, withholding sex actually increases the likelihood of hostilities.
-There were huge anti-war demonstrations on campus until they told the kids there was no draft and they pretty much got on their cell phones and walked home.
-The Pope has come out against the war. Mr. Bush responded with a strong warning to the pontiff-something about Catholic Charities, tax deductions, I don't know. The Pope has called for a fast since he cant really call for withholding sex. That's still in litigation.
-In the war on terror, Al Qaeda's number 2 man nabbed looking remarkably like a busboy at Grossinger's in the Catskills. This is why you should always tip at the end of the season.
-Khalid Sheikh Mohammed's laptop said to be treasure trove implicating dozens if not scores of porno sites, leading to the arrest, once again, of Pete Townsend.
In other news: -Burnoose tightening around bin Laden.
-Bill Clinton and Bob Dole: The Love That Dare Not Speak Its Name
-The contraceptive sponge "Today" is back without Jane Pauley. A new Sponge Bob Square Pants design.
-Mars, like yours truly, Has Molten Core, Hinting Vitality.
-A poll shows an unknown Democrat beating George Bush. Unfortunately, the ones we know get trashed.
-The anti-drug effort goes after head shops; trying to win the pipes and bongs of the people.
-Wisconsin's Russ Feingold won't run for president since the Jewish quota has been reached.
-And Al Samoud of Teaneck, New Jersey, finally gets an unlisted number.
That's All the News That Isn't . . . .

:10 - Guest interview with T.C. Boyle, author of Drop City. Why write about 1970s hippies? It was a time of free love, although Michael doesn’t remember it as being so free. T.C. wasn’t a hippie himself, but, maybe it’s time to re-kindle this idea for the aging hippies, it’s better than a nursing home. Is it a good sign or a bad sign when your Alaskan bush pilot is reading hunting magazines while flying you into a remote area?

:33 - Jeff is schlumped over his bass, but he’ll stand up straight for this tune.

:40 - – In the audience Michael is having fun at your expense with Pam, who’s here from Oak Creek with problems with her kitten. Doesn’ he look like the kind of guy you could trust? Maybe not. Kathy really doesn’t want to talk to Michael -- especially about topless boating.

:46 - The Four Disclaimers and the Whad’Ya Know? Quiz with Bob and Meredith who get a few right and a few wrong about blocking diseases, and women home alone on Friday night.

Hour 2

:00 - Back at Monona Terrace it’s more of a live broadcast with the man, “who is waiting for his audition for West Side Story….”

:01 - Let’s “knock if off with the marches” and finish the Quiz.

:08 - Place to Be in Rocklake, North Dakota where the turkeys are taking over. A flock of turkeys moved from their rural winter habitat for a season in town. A few pedestrians and bicyclists have had unfortunate encounters, and one lady was trapped in her car. Things have calmed down since one ornery Tom Turkey who was leading the charge, turned up expired along the side of the road. Sheriff Vaughn Klier was in his office at the time and knows nothing about it.

:12 - Thanks for the Memos. American Family will sell Michael terrorism insurance, but it doesn’t cover random acts, only certified. Then a memo from an Ohio Elementary School, we’ve changed the cough drop policy to reduce “down time.” Get that OTC form first, though.

:18 - John and Jeff are a little old fashioned with this tune.

:22 - In the audience Michael meets Jerry who had a fitting with Jim Packard. Jim’s good at measuring the inseam. Then find out about the end of the Peanie line and a fan (not) from Grand Rapids, Michigan.

:32 - Whad’Ya Know? Quiz with Sara and Maura, know their lefty loosey, wanting to eat, speaking Chinese, and putting the beds end to end. Can they snatch victory out of the jaws of defeat?

:55 - Town of the Week, Natchitoches, Louisiana.Two hundred years ago this spring, Thomas Jefferson and Napoleon negotiated the United States purchase of Louisiana from France. A fledgling nation doubled in size overnight, becoming one of the largest nations in the world. So, American troops came to this week’s town to raise the flag. Located in north central Louisiana about 70 miles south of Shreveport, this is the oldest continually occupied settlement in the entire Louisiana Purchase territory. The former Red River, now Cane River Lake, runs through the town, which is spelled Natchitoches, and pronounced “Nak-eh-tosh”. Most of downtown Natchitoches, 33 blocks worth, is a National Historic Landmark District. A perfect location for motion pictures, like “Steel Magnolias”, this town is literally swathed with beauty; with wrought iron laced buildings, stately oaks, and of course, magnolias. This town of nearly 18 thousand residents is home of the Lousiana School for Math, Arts, and Science, for the state’s most gifted junior and senior high school students; and of Northwestern State University. Named as one of the top 100 arts communities in America, Natchitoches has also been selected by Kiplinger’s Personal Finance magazine as one of the top 6 cities in America for retirement. Not content to idleness, more than 150 businesses have opened in Natchitoches in the past three years. The festival season is one of the town’s chief drawing cards, starting with Mardi Gras, then the 8th annual Jazz and Rhythm and Blues Festival April 5th . Next April 26th, the town will host a Bicentennial Celebration to commemorate the Louisiana Purchase with re-enactments, period music and dance, and 19th century food. It’s a chance to take the Plantation Tour in the Cane River National Heritage Area, one of the most beautiful stretches of plantation country in the entire South. Then comes the Creole Heritage Festival, the Folk Festival and the Melrose Arts and Crafts Festival, before winding up with the World Famous Christmas Festival and Festival of Lights the first weekend in December. Home of the world-famous Meat Pie, it’s our Town of the Week, Natchitoches, Louisiana.