2006: 12 Months, 12 Jokes

January

President Bush will give to charity only $6 of the $100,000 he received from indicted lobbyist Jack Abramoff, since, technically, you don't have to tithe on a bribe.

February

Brokeback Mountain nominated for 8 Oscars, including "best fishing story."

March

A teleconference video reveals that, when told about flooding in New Orleans, President Bush made a crack about a Jewish couplle -- the Levy's -- breaching.

April

It will be the CBS Evening News with Katie Couric -- what she lacks in gravitas she makes up in perkitas.

May

To deal with increasing gas prices, the Bush administration suggests installing gas gouges.

June

Winning envelope from Publisher's Clearinghouse found in Al-Zarqawi rubble.

July

President Bush not only speaks to the NAACP, but does Li'l Jon's "Snap Yo' Fingers!"

August

Castro said to be dead, but improving.

September

Wal-Mart to offer cut-rate drugs while Sam's Club will put out cases of assorted broken pharmaceuticals in bulk.

October

Madonna forcibly adopts a Malawi child after a tug of war with Angelina Jolie nearly tears the boy in two.

November

Don Rumsfeld headed for "Dancing with the Stars."

December

Russia gives KGB retirees watches with glow-in-the-dark dials…

That's All the News of 2006 That Wasn't... . .

Happy New Year!

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