Michael Feldman's -- All The News That Isn't

Read on for this week's monologue, or check out this year's archive.

August 31, 1998

Talk about a fun-filled two weeks in Martha's Vineyard. I wouldn't want to get the cabin after them; hopefully they swept up all the glass.

Just who he wants to see showing up at the airport: Carly Simon. Now he's got to explain that. With any luck that wasn't him in "You're So Vain."

Now of course every woman he hugs turns around to smile at the camera. And with Monica hardly cold yet.

The Clintons didn't do much actual recreating on this vacation; they were going to head over to Chappaquiddick but Hillary wouldn't ride in back.

Other than that it was just sailing with Walter Cronkite who they like because he only knows old news. That and a little bombing of irrelevant nations in lieu of golf.

The "Welcome President Clinton" sign on the school got pretty tattered by the time he left, and no one bothered to tape it. About the way it's going.

According to a CNN poll, 21 % of Americans would not vacation with a spouse who just admitted adultery, so, plan your trips around it.

First a relaxing two weeks with the wife and now meeting Boris Yeltsin on the Island of the Damned. What are they going to do, share tips? Biggest meeting of Titans since Brooke Shields and Agassi.

There may not be a government when the Clintons go over there -- maybe they should call first. Rumors have Yeltsin on the verge of one of those fatal colds traditional with Russian leaders, followed by the discovery, at the funeral, that they had a wife.

The Russians have only managed one economic reform so far, deciding to perforate the ruble and put it on a roll.

And that's All the News That Isn't . . .