Michael Feldman's -- All The News That Isn't

Read on for this week's monologue, or check out this year's archive.

Listen in to the monologue from the February 5, 2000 show.

Problem listening to Real Audio? Get Help!

February 5, 2000

Says here, "Small Babies May Earn Less Later;" so, whatever you do, don't put your birth weight on your resume.

On the other hand, big worms, the ten footers on the bottom of the Gulf of Mexico, live longer, up to 250 years. So it's a trade off, small baby, big worm.

In the news: McCain Slays McAbel.

The lesson from New Hampshire: don't have your parents drop you off at a primary.

After McCain's victory in New Hampshire he raised a million dollars on the internet, making him the first dot com to actually make money. Up until now, Jeff Bezos losing 354 million in a quarter at Amazon has been the record.

Bush, going after McCain, assembled a group of veterans critical of his military record; McCain countered by rounding up baseball executives to discuss the Sammy Sosa trade.

Bush has come up with a new message -- going from "compassionate" to "kickass conservatism."

Gary Bauer has gone back to the Family Research Council (what are they researching -- what mommy and daddy are doing in there?) despite the fact that his 1% showing in New Hampshire could have been seen as a victory. The polls had him at zero.

Gore, breaking with the president, says he inhaled marijuana. Probably under the influence when he invented the internet. Kind of a trippy idea -- maybe they should ask about psychedelics. Could be he was a Day Tipper.

President Clinton, laying to rest indications of his lame-duck ineffectual status -- comes out for protecting prairie dogs. The burrow to the 21st century.

A pro-Nazi right-winger joins the Austrian government -- somebody check to see if Pat Buchanan's still here . . .

Former CIA head John Deutsch downloaded top secret files to his personal PC, which was also used to access porno sites. Hot Asian Love Babes now have access to our most sensitive information. So, he was foggybottom in the chat room.

And a study at Duke finds that male heart patients are tested more, but die sooner than females. Experts caution a mere lack of medical care alone may not explain women's superior survival rates. . . . That's all the news that isn't . . .

© 2000 Michael Feldman