Michael Feldman's -- 1999 in Review
Tired of those reviews of 1998?
January 2, 1999

Read on for this week's monologue, or check out this year's archive.

Friday: New Year's Day. Badgers win the Rose Bowl: even better, Wisconsin beats Los Angeles. Fly over states, huh?

Saturday: The Blizzard of `99. Biggest since the Blizzard of `98, some say. Record snowfall: up to Nora's chin. Previous record: up to Nora's chin. Chin's a lot higher now that she's five.

Sunday: Crack in Helmet of Time: Packers lose in first game of playoffs in last second of play. Well, three seconds, but still. History turns wrong corner; from here on in anything could happen.

Monday: Enough of Jesse Ventura, already. Why? (1) Because we're in Wisconsin and resent the attention Minnesota's getting, (2) Navy seals - - aren't they the guys who swim with high explosives taped to their butts? (3) He already broke his promise to rappel down the state capitol. (On the plus side -- he did dance around the big menorah with the Lubovitch brotherhood.)

Tuesday: Rumors surface that something which occurred over the Renaissance weekend on Hilton Head will result in the expansion of Ken Starr's mandate.

Wednesday: The 106th Congress meets for the first time, takes an instant dislike to one another. Republicans thrown into disarray when they can't remember the name of the new speaker.

Thursday: Senate decides to phone-in impeachment trial; press one for "convict," two for "acquit," press three for "verbal reprimand with note in permanent record," and four to talk with the first available elected representative.

Friday: Congress asks President to delay State of the Union until the Ides of March, and to deliver it from the Steps of the Senate, where there would be, uh, more room. Tom DeLay organizes toga party.

If you're not tired of those 1998 reviews you can have a comic look at the year that was in Michael Feldman's 1998 Was A Joke....All The News That Wasn't, a collection of Michael's observations on all the news of 1998.

© 1999 Michael Feldman