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Michael Feldman's--All The News That Isn't
Read on for this week's monologue, or check out this year's archive of Michael's monologues.
Listen in to the 
monologue from the Saturday June 21, 2008 show.
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Michelle Obama said she was referring to The Almighty, not "all the whiteys."Along the Mississippi, the Levy's failed but the Bernstein's rose to the occasion.
It may be a treat to beat your feet on the Mississippi mud, but not when it's in your living room.
The upside is now Huck and Jim can get just about anywhere.
Certainly changed the crop outlook—this year it will be the Sun Prairie Canned Corn Festival. A lot of farmers are switching to water cress.
The weight of the Bush and McCain entourages sinks Iowa that much deeper.
John McCain to build nuclear plants to power offshore derricks.
Inland coasts as well—Pewaukee is the new Corpus Christi.
McCain will drill in the Arctic Preserve right through the polar bears, killing two initiatives with one bit.
Phyllis Driller, they're calling him. Bob Drillin'? Drillbert? John Drillinger.
We'll see what happens when they start building the platforms off the Trump Palace in Boca. Spring break at Ft. Lauderdale—remember your sun block and the acetone for the tar.
President Bush for not much longer claims global warming as executive privilege. He could let the EPA head testify before Congress, but then he would have to kill him.
Lou Dobbs found filling up at the Petroleos Mexicanos in Ciudad Juarez.
More Americans are driving to Venezuela to fill up—at 12 cents a gallon, it's 400 dollars going down but only twelve bucks coming back. Of course Hugo's going to want to drive.
Toyota to introduce a plug-in Prius with a twenty-mile extension cord. And, it makes toast.
With the exodus of top execs, it's now Yah-who?
Tiger Woods out for the season; Tiger Feldman rises in the ranks.
Jamie Lynn Spears expecting grandchild in 2023.
Jamie Lynn was reportedly part of the pregnancy club at Gloucester High in Massachusetts. A sanctioned after-school activity, by the way, whereas the birth control club had been disbanded.
The Public Elections Financing Board will meet Obama's $500 million and raise him $100 million. Might want to check off another dollar on your taxes.
McCain has his $13, 659 Air Force pension to play around with. Everything else is Cindy's.
Israel spells "IRAN" in the sky with 120 fighters and a dozen bombers in a routine training exercise.
Israel and Hamas to marry so they can ignore one another in close quarters.
In compromise on the beef question, South Korea will only allow in American jerky.
US public opinion says America on wrong track, won't say where right track is.
Scotty McClellan lies to Congress without fully realizing it.
Man sheds 80 pounds after eating at McDonald's—all in fecal matter.
Newark meter maid who stole $30,000 arrested after attempting to stack quarters 700 feet high.
On July 4th topless Ashland, Oregon woman will march to celebrate Independulus Day.
Canadian police pretty sure 6th washed-up foot not from same victim.
Barrack Obama says bin Laden should not be martyred, nor should he be given his own reality show.
President Bush says John McCain will not flinch, although he does get the yips while putting.
May-Shong, D.C. zoo panda, missed her period, but she's not worried about it—happens every time they change her bamboo.
United, Continental and Delta to form Flying Axis of Evil.
Apple reports 5 billionth download of Jonas Brothers on iTunes.
And the Supreme Court rules that while the mentally ill may not defend themselves, they may be appointed to the Supreme Court . . .
That’s All The News That Isn’t……
© 2001 Michael Feldman
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